Tuesday, December 23, 2008

A Yuletide Tail; Not Your Average Tale.

You pick up this working girl who's hooked on smack, who hustles and scores. "That's all I do." She says, she says, "Ten bucks for head, fifteen for half-and-half." She says, "Three hits a day at thirty five per.." You say, "..that's seven tricks a day at least." But she says, "Sometimes I get lucky. Once this guy gives me a bill and a half just to eat me...only time I ever came."

You figure you can save her. You sell your color TV; that keeps her off the streets for a whole day. You hock your typewriter for one job, then your shotgun, your watch....

A week later you say, "Listen, I'm a little short," but she says, "No scratch, no snatch." You say, "Look, it is better to give." But she says, "Beat off, ceep."

One night they spot you on the street in your skivvies trying to sell your shoes. You tell them who you are but they nail you. Then she happens to walk by and she says, "Christ, you look fucked!" She says, "Hang tough!"

But you don't say anything, you just think, "What a bum-wrap for a nice, sensitive guy like me."

Let it snow, let it snow....

Thanks PQM.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Don't Steal Another Man's Jizz. That's Just Wrong.

"Stealing things is a glorious occupation, particularly in the art world."

-- Malcolm Mclaren

So, Coldplay front man and main song writer, Chris Martin has now been accused of plagiarism by guitar-god Joe Satriani. Apparently there are way too many similarities in the melody for Joe Satriani's "If I Could Fly" and Coldplay's "Viva La Vida".  There's an article here with both songs played for comparison. 

My take on this, as a musician myself is this; Coldplay is a little whack. They're akin to the movie Twiins. Radiohead is like Arnold Schwarzenegger's character who was born first; with like all the awesome-sick genes and Coldplay is like Danny DeVito's character who came after and is comprised of all the shit genes. Funny thing is; the aforementioned statement and analogy is not even mine. I totally plagiarized Amado V. That was his statement, in a conversation we had. See? We're ALL thieves. I just thought the irony was too great to not capture and write about here. Only I know Amado's not going to sue me, also.

Plus, I mean, how annoying is Chris Martin? You know the other guys in the band can't stand him because no one even knows who the hell they are! That band might as well be called the Chris Martin Band. CMB! Like DMB, which is another annoying band I cannot fucking stand. Seriously; fuck you if you even remotely like Dave Matthews Band. And fuck you Chris Martin for writing The Scientist and having it remind me of my ex; now I really hate you. 

Let me see you plagiarize this:

Monday, December 8, 2008

Links, Not To Be Confused With Lynx

Real quick hits for your mental snacking and crotch-region entertainment. Omar (CEASETODREAM PROMOTIONS) has a new blog he just started. Seriously, I've looked into the future, read his future posts and they are good. I mean, real good. If you like movies, you would definitely not only enjoy his blogs, but benefit from them as well. If you don't like movies, feel free to go buy a hand gun and shoot yourself because for some odd reason you are more than happy with your pathetic reality. So go check him out here. Be patient, he just started and he'll need a little time to start putting up those posts I have seen....from the future.

Another quick hit; Ben's blog is seriously some of the funniest shit I've read. I always envy people that can say so much in so little and Ben actually pulls that off real good.  And basically on just about any subject because really he thinks it and writes it; no filter. I on the other hand, ramble. Check his blog out here. He's also going to be working on a blog I'm a part of as well. It's a collective of writers that are basically going to respond to people sending in emails regarding anything and everything and the entire collective of writers will be responding; good or bad. So be ready for some serious elitism madness. The site's called Tastebuds. Check it out, it's getting started this week. Be one of the first to email them a question, a comment or concern about whatever; they will respond.

And last; I was talking with one of my best friend's Steve today from Black Sparrow Tattoos and, well I will not bore you with the entire details of our conversation, but I will point out an interesting blog that he brought up to me to check out. I did, I laughed and I pissed myself. It's called Cake Wrecks and it's basically a site about the most ridiculous cakes. Stupid cake ideas people have actually done and also pictures of mostly typographical or grammatical errors on cakes. Seriously, I went there and spent an easy hour on the site. Enjoy.

I'll write back more tomorrow. Still a lot to catch up on, like I said. Be patient you pieces of shit.

Prefuse Was Here....

Man, I have a lot to catch up on, or rather catch you up on. I have come to the realization that my time is very limited in the afternoons and evenings and I am trying to fit everything in. So let's go.

Last night Sunday, I went with Rich & Jimmy to Heathrow on the beach to go see none other than one of my favorite musical artist; Prefuse 73 or Guillermo Scott Herren as his mother named him. Ironically enough, Prefuse was born here in Miami, so I thought we were going to be in for a hell of a show.

I won't lie, I was truly under the impression that he was going to DJ and I was really just looking forward to some choice tunes and possibly a few of his gems thrown in for good measure. What was to follow basically resembles the above photo. And that really sucks because I cannot stress how good Prefuse 73's music really is. 

Gill came out with some other dude a little past 1:30 AM. There was roughly 5-10 mins of silence as the previous DJ's laptop was disconnected and all of Gill's equipment was then installed. I mean, I don't really blame him, I blame more the club and its owners, but I thought that was a little ridiculous. It made for a really uncomfortable few minutes in the club where everyone's small talk chatter was all you could here. Worst of all, you could ACTUALLY here people's conversations, which again, were pretty dull and pathetic. I found myself succumbing to being prejudice as hell (for the sake of humor) and started to make a couple of sarcastic, observant, tasteless remarks about a not-too-attractive oriental girl. But all this was justified with Rich & Jimmy's laughter. I made an observation and stated to R & J, "...is it me or are asian/oriental people either really good-looking or just really unattractive? Like, there is no middle ground with them." To which they both agreed. And I feel bad saying this but the girl had some pretty bad acne and I also made a quip about that. "She looks like she cleans her face at night with the same rag she cleans her wok with." I know; bad taste. But 1. that's my style of humor and 2. something had to be done and discussed while our friend here was setting up.

Once he began, seriously, it was a jumbled mess that had little flash-in-the-pan moments of a little groovy beat that would then suddenly be drowned again by ridiculous noise. Honestly, that's the best I can describe it. And I can really break something down to the ridiculous and describe it to the point where you should be able to taste it. But honestly, as a musician and producer myself, I mean, it was simply noise. Gill was up there in the booth some some other guy and apparently they were both "playing" for us. But the thing that struck me odd watching (and unfortunately listening) was that they were both bobbing to the music, right? But they were bobbing off beat to one another. In other words, it was as if each one was listening to something the other totally was not. And perhaps THIS is the reason why the audio garbage that was seeping, nay, booming out of the speakers -to the point where near the end of the set, a boss had approached the security guard by the booth instructing him, to instruct Gill, to turn the volume down- was downright insulting. 

I was so looking forward to this more than anything this whole Art Basel. This one moment, this one show. I was glad to be able to see and hear Prefuse 73 for the first time live and I was extremely disappointed. Honestly, the highlight of the night was smoking weed in the alley in the back of the club, eventually walking into this whack wannabe strip club a few units down from the club where as we walked by the first time the guy outside says to us, "Come inside. $20 all you can drink, all you can fuck!" Only for us to walk in, at my insistence, to see just two, scantily (not nude) girls dancing at two separate poles in a space that was no bigger than the living room and dining room in my place. We pretty much walked out as quickly as we walked in. Another highlight was running into an old friend from high school whom I haven't seen in over ten years. Oddly enough, turns out her boyfriend went to school with Rich and she went to school with me. Small world. Oh and the last highlight; being on the verge of piss-drunkeness and enjoying a nice quarter pounder with cheese at 4 in the morning. 

Thanks for nothing, man.

Monday, December 1, 2008

....upside your head.


(used to express mild dismay, chagrin, surprise, etc., as at one's own mistake, a clumsy act or social blunder.)

1925-30; orig. uncert.

Most people do not know the first thing about apologizing. Most people ruin apologies. And you know how they do this? By following their apology with an excuse. Before I even begin to give the impression that I am all holier than thou, I will attest to the fact that I too am guilty of committing said error. 

But really, all apologies have really lost their meaning. Kind of like, "I love you." There is a statement that throughout all of my adolescence, teenage years and adulthood; I have seen this phrase thrown around so casually, so ridiculously that like an apology, it has lost all meaning. 

Ever wonder what causes more inspiration; love or misery? I wish I had an answer, but I don't because I've worn both shoes. And both shoes have served me just fine in that art of word expression. Perhaps there is a fine line between the two. Perhaps the two are one in the same. Either way, this is an interesting website where people go and post apologies or post a demand for an apology. I didn't sign up, I just mostly skimmed through t the "Apology To.." section. it's pretty damn confessional, miserable and interesting in there, let me tell you. You got people apologizing into cyberspace about their infidelities, their lying, etc. It makes for an interesting read. A 24-hour, online confessional, sans church, booth, priest and hail Mary's. Check it out for yourself. I thought it made for a good read, just when you thought everything was alright in the world. Ha! 

Always remember; there will ALWAYS be a river to go drown yourself in. Always.